So at first I didn't know if I was going to be able to post twice today. I felt like this morning's post was short and sweet so I wanted to add a little something else. I sat all afternoon pondering what to write abotu because nothing exciting had happedned during the day, although I'm pretty sure this new job will provide more opportunity to meet men then the hotel did thats for sure.
Then the end of the school day came around and there is was...topic for a blog. Precursor to the story...there is a massive snow storm heading our way. Ok now story...I go to pick up Bailey from my Grandparents, only to find out that my grandma (who is kind of like the mafia grandma who controls even the big bad men in the family) had been told that I was wanted at my parent's house for the evening (and by evening I mean that my mom wanted to kidnap me and Bailey in the house so that we would be snowed in with her, not home alonE). Needless to say the power of the mafia grandma came over me and I headed home to pack...without the child of course because lord forbid I bring her home to pack with me.
See to normal people this might sound like a nice gesture, my mom inviting me to her house for the snow storm....but there is a catch. My mom gets frustrated by the fact that she doesn't know every little aspect of my life so she uses opportunities like this to snoop and ask questions. Not only that but if I call her out on it she pulls the whole "well I'm sorry that I'm interested in the life of the child who I helped raised and am helping out financially til she gets back on her feet" guilt trip crap. See this is why I'm so independent, because at a young age I learned that if I owed my mom something she would milk the "debit" for all its worth.
When I had moved out I didn't have this much of a problem because Erik and I were almost completely financially independent on our own. Also I wasn't alone which was the reason she didn't call 24/7 or ask me to come over every night of the week. Another problem with this being over here is she acts like Bailey's mom, only an over protective Bailey's mom. I can't sit down for 2 seconds because she is constantly worrying about what she is doing or what she is into.
So reason number one that I DON'T like being a single mom...the dependence on my mom! So hopefully this Chris thing goes well (which it still has so far today) and I won't be kept in this prison!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Snow Storms just know how to ruin everything
My date on Wednesday I can't wait for. Thinking about it just makes me smile and I get those lovely butterflies in my stomach. He makes me happy and I have really high hopes about this which is a first in a while. Well then we hear about this lovely snow storm! 12-20 inches and a half an inches of ice in the next two days! Hello are they trying to kill my dating plans! I'm like starting to get depressed as the snow just began to fall outside.
This guy is perfect! He is wanting to settle down, he is sweet, he isn't all about the physical side...he is dreamy! EK I just wanna scream!
Well this is my blog for now, short and sweet, and considering its like a blizzard I may not be on again! Have a wonderful Monday folks!
This guy is perfect! He is wanting to settle down, he is sweet, he isn't all about the physical side...he is dreamy! EK I just wanna scream!
Well this is my blog for now, short and sweet, and considering its like a blizzard I may not be on again! Have a wonderful Monday folks!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Oh Sunday...UPDATE
Alright so as you know I caved and went to the ex's with the kid, even though it was technically her nap time and my study time. When I got there he was cleaning and the kids started playing Wii and were actually getting along really really well which was nice. I noticed he had gone to walmart and bought the kids sippy cups. He also mentioned buying bailey a seat for his car. I find this sweet and interesting. See we are like a divorced couple but not which makes things like our involvement with each other's kids an interesting topic. See neither one of us are a parent to the other's kid technically but both kids grew up seeing the other as their parent. Neither of us has a legal right to get time alone with the kids either. So in this aspect its up to us to decide who gets to see them. For now we just agree to bring them together to play, usually at his house. This gesture of buying her a seat today was something special for me. Because he isn't legally Bailey's father it means he could just choose to never see her again, but acts like these show me that I don't think he ever wants her out of his life, which is sweet.
Anyways he was a doll to both Bailey and me. He cuddled with her, played with her, got her drinks and a snack, he also helped me with my taxes without me asking and even hugged me. I did keep my distance though! He sat on the opposite side of the couch until like the last five minutes when he cuddled up next to me. His mom also came over for a bit and was weirdly nice. She played with Bailey, brushed her hair, and didn't make any comment about me being there. She is bipolar though, one of the many fights my ex and I always had! Well anyways it was positive...and he said he wanted to go out to Texas Roadhouse with me next weekend, just as a friend date, which kinda made me smile.
Next on my list to tell you before I quit jabbering for the day. I have a date. A real date. With a guy I really like. Problem: He's Bailey's Dad's ex Best Friend...Positive: He feels the same way about Bailey's dad that I do. He is super sweet and has goals and reaches them. He has a college degree, makes bank, and is ready to settle down. He isn't my average type though, not rough around the edges farmer boy type. But like I've said before maybe that was my problem in the first place. Maybe I need to stretch away from my "average type". So anyways that is Wednesday and we shall see how that goes.
Well off to study for my big Med-Surg test tomorrow!
<3
Anyways he was a doll to both Bailey and me. He cuddled with her, played with her, got her drinks and a snack, he also helped me with my taxes without me asking and even hugged me. I did keep my distance though! He sat on the opposite side of the couch until like the last five minutes when he cuddled up next to me. His mom also came over for a bit and was weirdly nice. She played with Bailey, brushed her hair, and didn't make any comment about me being there. She is bipolar though, one of the many fights my ex and I always had! Well anyways it was positive...and he said he wanted to go out to Texas Roadhouse with me next weekend, just as a friend date, which kinda made me smile.
Next on my list to tell you before I quit jabbering for the day. I have a date. A real date. With a guy I really like. Problem: He's Bailey's Dad's ex Best Friend...Positive: He feels the same way about Bailey's dad that I do. He is super sweet and has goals and reaches them. He has a college degree, makes bank, and is ready to settle down. He isn't my average type though, not rough around the edges farmer boy type. But like I've said before maybe that was my problem in the first place. Maybe I need to stretch away from my "average type". So anyways that is Wednesday and we shall see how that goes.
Well off to study for my big Med-Surg test tomorrow!
<3
Oh Sunday....
Ok so this is my first day in my adventure of trying to make singlemomhood a positive thing. Everyother day I've focused on the negatives and wallowed in my pity. But today is different. It started out well. My mom bought me a foam mattress topper to go on my until now very uncomfortable twin bed. You see I hadn't slept a whole night threw since I moved out of my comfortable king bed. Lets just say I slept so well that I missed my alarm clock and therefore missed church. Tonight will be the real test though since last night I also had a full bottle of wine which could have contributed to the lack of waking up.
So here is the test of the day. I was not going to contact the ex in anyway today. I was going to make him realize that I was really gone. Well I didn't ask, I didn't even text til he text me. I was not going to go over til he asked me and only because the kids need to see each other, damn kids make it hard to play hard to get. And yes I am playing hard to get because he still has feelings for me. He just left because I couldn't make the changes in my life that I needed to make while I was with him. I have a feeling thathe will come back to me, its just a matter of time. Of course this Tracey chick is putting a wrench in my plans. So anyways he just text me and asked me to come over. So off I go I guess, but with the full intention of sitting on a seperate couch and keeping to myself.
This may be harder than I planned. It's hard not to cuddle, kiss, hug the person who you did that with for two years and still have feelings for. Well I shall write again tonight and let you know how the rest of the day went!
So here is the test of the day. I was not going to contact the ex in anyway today. I was going to make him realize that I was really gone. Well I didn't ask, I didn't even text til he text me. I was not going to go over til he asked me and only because the kids need to see each other, damn kids make it hard to play hard to get. And yes I am playing hard to get because he still has feelings for me. He just left because I couldn't make the changes in my life that I needed to make while I was with him. I have a feeling thathe will come back to me, its just a matter of time. Of course this Tracey chick is putting a wrench in my plans. So anyways he just text me and asked me to come over. So off I go I guess, but with the full intention of sitting on a seperate couch and keeping to myself.
This may be harder than I planned. It's hard not to cuddle, kiss, hug the person who you did that with for two years and still have feelings for. Well I shall write again tonight and let you know how the rest of the day went!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Well Here We Go
I had my daughter 2 years ago...but I never really felt like a single mom. About 2 months after she was born I met, dated, and then got engaged to the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He was my version of perfect. My daughter grew up calling him dad, his kid is as close to me as Bailey is, and our house was my new ground, my comfort zone.
This dream world ended approximately at 11PM on New Years Eve. Almost exactly 7 months from the day I was suppose to walk down the aisle to him, he decided to call it quits. I guess I saw it coming but reality didn't hit me. That night it did. I was devistated. I just wanted to rewind and start over...be a better person for him, for our kids. But it was too late, he'd given me my chances. Now I needed to do it alone, to be better for myself.
I don't blame him, but that doesn't take the hurt and pain away. I still love him and he says he still loves me. I moved out a week later to a small house that I now share with 5 other people...now that is hard! I went from a 3 bedroom ranch with a king bed and full appliances. Now I have one small bedroom for me and my two year old to share, a shared bathroom, a shared living area, and shared appliances. I also now reside in a very uncomfortable twin bed. I felt like everything was falling apart.
It's been a month now since that night I wanted to erase forever. We are still friends and we hang out atleast once a week, mostly for our kids to see eachother. I've gone on one date with an old ex that just reminded me how I've had to change who I'm going to look for now that I'm a mom. My ex has been on a few dates with one girl and it kills me. I hate thinking and wondering if they are together, if they are in MY bed, on MY couch, or what he thinks of her. It doesn't help that she is older and a smoker which I thought my ex despised. Although everytime I make him feel guilty about he throws out that I too have been on dates. Well...ok so he's right but again it doesn't make the pain any easier.
One of the main reasons we broke up was my jealousy issue. The relationship I had with Bailey's father was a rough one...he cheated and hurt me more times than I can count. So I don't trust anymore. I bug and nag and snoop. Although I have gotten a million times better at this he still thinks that there is room for improvement. I asked him tonight if he still had feelings for me and if he thought there was a chance we may end back together. His response was "of course I still have feelings, but so far the reason I left you hasn't changed". Fair enough I guess.
So this is my blog. My suffering through the newly single mother life. The newly "dating" single mother life. I have a date this week with a guy who shares all my view points so we shall see. He is super cute as well and he knows me well so that should make things more comfortable...wish me luck!
This dream world ended approximately at 11PM on New Years Eve. Almost exactly 7 months from the day I was suppose to walk down the aisle to him, he decided to call it quits. I guess I saw it coming but reality didn't hit me. That night it did. I was devistated. I just wanted to rewind and start over...be a better person for him, for our kids. But it was too late, he'd given me my chances. Now I needed to do it alone, to be better for myself.
I don't blame him, but that doesn't take the hurt and pain away. I still love him and he says he still loves me. I moved out a week later to a small house that I now share with 5 other people...now that is hard! I went from a 3 bedroom ranch with a king bed and full appliances. Now I have one small bedroom for me and my two year old to share, a shared bathroom, a shared living area, and shared appliances. I also now reside in a very uncomfortable twin bed. I felt like everything was falling apart.
It's been a month now since that night I wanted to erase forever. We are still friends and we hang out atleast once a week, mostly for our kids to see eachother. I've gone on one date with an old ex that just reminded me how I've had to change who I'm going to look for now that I'm a mom. My ex has been on a few dates with one girl and it kills me. I hate thinking and wondering if they are together, if they are in MY bed, on MY couch, or what he thinks of her. It doesn't help that she is older and a smoker which I thought my ex despised. Although everytime I make him feel guilty about he throws out that I too have been on dates. Well...ok so he's right but again it doesn't make the pain any easier.
One of the main reasons we broke up was my jealousy issue. The relationship I had with Bailey's father was a rough one...he cheated and hurt me more times than I can count. So I don't trust anymore. I bug and nag and snoop. Although I have gotten a million times better at this he still thinks that there is room for improvement. I asked him tonight if he still had feelings for me and if he thought there was a chance we may end back together. His response was "of course I still have feelings, but so far the reason I left you hasn't changed". Fair enough I guess.
So this is my blog. My suffering through the newly single mother life. The newly "dating" single mother life. I have a date this week with a guy who shares all my view points so we shall see. He is super cute as well and he knows me well so that should make things more comfortable...wish me luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)